Beautifully Average

Thinking of reasons why not to write a blog is simple.
1. People won't read it.
2. I'm probably not a very good writer anyways.
3. Who cares?
As someone who perpetually over thinks everything, I have developed a talent for recognizing my flawed characteristics. I am not the smartest, the prettiest, or the most talented. I wish I could sing better. I wish I had the physique of Heidi or Gisele. I wish I could write a blog worth reading. I wish I had something to offer that was worth recognizing. Despite my constant struggle with overanalyzing my imperfections, I continue to work my hardest in striving toward perfection. I realize that this doesn't make a lot of sense, but there is a correlation.. My strategy for striving toward perfection has somehow developed into a surrendering of all at which I could potentially succeed in order to avoid failure. If I don't try, I can't fail. Thus, my enthymeme of perfection. This "strive toward perfection," however, has resulted in an overwhelming sense of averageness. As I look back on all of the opportunities I missed, I can only think "what if?". What if I hadn't quit? What if I had taken that chance? What if I had become somebody worth knowing? This mindset of desperation has led to many forlorn nights filled with guilt and self-reproach, yet I remain in a constant cycle of fearing rewarding, but arduous, endeavors, as well as inadequacy. The more I contest this antipathetic fear of perfection and inadequacy, the more I am willing and able to appreciate my sense of averageness. With the seemingly necessary need to be above average comes the obstacle of never being good enough. The societal standards for what constitutes "good enough" will never parallel those which we hold true ourselves, or at least those which I hold to be true. Because of this, I am beginning to find comfort in my "averageness." I find comfort in living my life in a way that is pleasing only to the God I serve and not to the world around me. I find pure joy in knowing that despite my sense of mediocrity, I exist because of a God who sees me as His perfect and beautiful creation. I do not need to strive for perfection because I understand that though I will not ever be perfect, I live for a God who is. Because of this truth, I am cognizant of a certain beauty and humility in all that seems average.

"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." Marilyn Monroe